A Lot On My Mind

I don't think anyone really reads my blog. So I think it's safe to pour my heart out here a little. Do you ever wonder why certain things happen to you? Like why after 8 years your husband would just up and decide to leave? Then wonder why you waited around 4 years for him to grow up and come back to you? I mean seriously, I should have just cut my losses right? Any person in their right mind would have moved on.
Well, I guess I wasn't in my right mind. Depression does funny things to a person. Being alone everyday is rough. Wears a person down. Or at least that's what I thought. But what if having the person back is more stress than when he was gone? Don't get me wrong.... I love him, or the idea of him... Or maybe it's more like the old him that I fell for back in high school.
That's the ticket. I loved that silly, kind and wonderful man that I married. The one that put up with my folks when they tried to talk me out of being with him. The one that wrote silly notes in church to make me smile(and soemtimes laugh out loud). The one who was there for me when my great gram died. The man who tore an ice machine to pieces with his bare hands becuase he thought he was going to lose us in delivery.... I miss the way he looked at me. The way I knew when he said everything was going to be all right, that he truly he meant it. I miss the way he used to hold my hand and rub it with his thumb during the movies. I miss the way he would hug me from behind while I washed the dishes or was cooking.
Maybe that's why I still clung to the notion that things could be saved. A glimmer of hope when there is none. I might be wasting more time than I have... It is hard to see ahead thru all the bitter memories I have... But it is the good ones that kept me hopeful.
Certain things have come to light. Things that make me cry myself to sleep at night. Broken promises and lies. A two faced snake in the grass so called friend has again, it seems, unraveled my life. Not the first time of course. But as a friend said... Fool me once shame on you... Fool me twice...shame on me... Shame, shame, shame on me. So, now I am at a crossroads. So many decisions to make. Which ones are the right ones? I have no clue. But I have to take the steps to get there... Otherwise, I am back to square one and I am too old to be there again. If anyone reads this.... Just be careful...who you put you're trust in.... Sometimes your best friend is your worst enemy... and the person you love, just doesn't love you anymore....

Hellz Bellz

Well... WTF..... So the x-box is down the shitter again.... That is TWICE in the same year.... Honestly, WTF is Microsoft doing.....? I won't get credit for my xbox live that they are wasting because of faulty merchandise..... I swear that if this happens again within the next 6 months... I am personally driving to Mesquite, Texas and shoving my X-BOX where the sun don't shine....
Also, while I was sitting at my desk earlier some dude came running past my window yelling KISS IT...over and over again... I dunno what or who he was talkin to...but I got up and locked my door...lol

Crack Free weekend

I really dunno where they all went this weekend.... It was so quiet and pleasant.... It was lovely actually... It makes for a vanilla blog though. I worked Satuday and Sunday.... Bathed the dogs and played WoW....

Skeezer McNugget

Today I saw a skeezer sitting on a toilet by a trashcan.

I didn't get close enough to see if he was actually using it, but I can only think he probably was.

Thursdays's Crackhead Moment

Today I saw a crackhead walking down the street. She lifted up her shirt and flashed me and then flipped me off. I guess she was hoping I would be so happy she showed me her shriveled boosies that I might throw some cash(or a sandwich)out the window....

Crackheadism's

Every day at some point I see one of our many local crackheads, and or skeezers walking around. I think it would be cool to put the random crackhead of the day down.
Today though I will put 2.... Yesterday's crackhead oment is too funny not to share.
As I was driving home yesterday I saw a crackhead pushing a target cart(not that uncommon). What was funny were the contents of his cart. He had a plastic floral arrangement, a keg, and a bright orange bowling ball. There must have been some extreme crackhead bowling somewhere in town yesterday.

And todays is priceless, and sick....
When is a box not just a box to a crackhead?
When he's using the restroom in it.
And what's sad is...he was holding the box, but the other end was open. I don't know what the point was really. I might be scarred for life.

My First Blog

I really don't know how to start this off.

Hmmm... I am 33... Married mom to one tweener(as i call em).

I have 3 dogs and 2 cats(well 3 of ya count the one that hangs around outside).

Yes...lots of pets...

I have a big heart and all but one of was rescued from the street....

I work 2 jobs so I keep pretty busy.

But when I am not working I spend time with my son....

We also have xbox live and I play WOW..not as much as I used to...

As of late though I have been sick for over a year and one job is about to boot me...

I just found out I have diabetes.

No surprise really.

I wasn't taking care of myself and that's what I get....

And yes... I am fat....

In some weird sick universe it may well be a good thing I found out I had it.

Becuase I have changed my diet...as well as my son and husband....

I have lost 20 pounds in just 4 weeks...

I cut out all the sugary sodas and limit my carbs...

I eat tons of veggies and fruit and I feel better for it.

The medication does have its side effects though...

Which is part of the reason my other job is kicking me....

Their loss I say....

Kinda weird sharing so much info....

But if one person reads it and says sweet...

Then it was worth posting.